An Arizona grandfather has been arrested and accused of leaving his five-year-old granddaughter alone in the desert with a loaded and cocked .45-caliber handgun and the instruction to “shoot any bad guys,” authorities said on Monday.

Rater was later found by deputies at a local feed store with a bar. He admitted to leaving the girl alone in the desert with the gun while he went for a few drinks and a cheeseburger. He told deputies he left the girl behind after she complained she couldn’t walk anymore.

From Donald Trump to this cheeseburger eating granddad, Americans are spoofing themselves these days, there’s no need for The Onion.

Once again: Arizona is Texas-lite.

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The Cardigans are the greatest band from Sweden. They perfected Euro emo, which is superior to the output of bands like Dashboard Confessional and Taking Back Sunday. The latter gave rise to the practice of wearing ill fitting sweaters and tight jeans, of crying, writing poetry, then crying again about having written terrible poetry.