(Hell, Hans Memling 1485)

Running commentary:

The roll call of the states is a highlight of every convention.

Each state takes the opportunity to brag about its world class brisket or brothels.

Idaho, proud home of the Aryan Nations…

Each speaker conveys the idea that Mr Trump would make a fine President. In 1876.

Minor revolt by the Alaska delegation. Guns were kept holstered.

It was very nice of Mr Trump to FaceTime from Trump Tower. He can’t spend four days and nights away from Scores.

Senator Wild Turkey from Kentucky is speaking. Alas, Mr McConnell is a poor choice to weigh in on “truth.”

Mr Christie walks out to Barbra Streisand’s “Guilty.”

He’s always specialised in verbal knee-capping.

Berniebros are loving Mr Christie’s speech.

The rumor that Republicans are serving Flint water at the convention is false.

Mr Carson is up now…

Saul Alinsky! Mr Carson is digging deep.

Lucifer!

His performance has reached peak pyramid.

The house band is playing “Into the Coven” as Mr Carson’s walk off music.

It concludes with an avocado actress speaking to an empty room.